See the piece of baker’s chocolate to show scale.
And this is what 10 kilos looks like (22.04 lbs)!
We are getting close to The Weekend of Trials & Tribulations in my house, otherwise known as CHOCOLATE FUN TIME.
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Pumpkin muffins – round 2
After being slightly underwhelmed by my first attempt at making pumpkin muffins, I went back to the drawing board. I made some changes to the ingredient proportions and baking time:
- 2½ C of flour (instead of 1½ C)
- 1 tsp ground cinnamon
- 1 tsp ground cardamom (didn’t have this last time)
- ½ tsp ground nutmeg
- ½ tsp ground ginger
- ½ tsp salt
- ½ tsp baking soda
- ¼ tsp ground cloves
- ¼ tsp pumpkin pie spice
- ¼ tsp all spice
- 2 eggs
- 1 C packed golden brown sugar (instead of dark brown sugar)
- pods from half of a vanilla bean, split and scraped
- 2 TBSP vegetable oil
- 1 C of pure pumpkin (instead of 2 C)
- a sprinkle of turbinado sugar
The batter was really dry. I was a bit worried they wouldn’t settle into the muffin cups but I think they look cute.
These were baked 18 minutes (the original ones were in for 25). In retrospect 18 minutes was not quite enough, I’ll try 20 next time.
They were cooled in the pan 1 minute before being transferred to the rack.
Now this is the fun part. Use a cupcake corer (thank you M!) and stuff them with cream cheese frosting.
Woah this thing works way better than a knife.
And voila!
Verdict: Hmm. I liked this much more than round 1. Boyfriend-Unit loved them. I think there is still room for improvement however, so next time I’ll up the pumpkin ratio a bit, and decrease the cardamom.
Playlist: Katatonia – Into the White
Patty’s pumpkin cream cheese muffins – round 1
I decided to reverse-engineer a pumpkin cream cheese muffin after the underwhelming experience of buying one from StarBucks. This is my first attempt at making pumpkin muffins, and I made them the morning after seeing Nine Inch Nails live, which really has nothing to do with making muffins, but there you go. The muffins were edible, but have room for improvement. Trent Reznor, I am happy to report, does not require any improvement.
(Update Oct 19: round 2 is much better)
I was surprised to see that the ingredient cost of this made this the most expensive thing I have ever baked, even steeper than the the Bailey’s chocolate cheesecake. Yikes.
Time required: 1 hour
Yields: 14
Total cost if you have none of the ingredients: $79 if iced, $54 if plain
Cost per muffin: $5.64 if iced, $3.85 if plain
Kitchen implements I used:
- Nemo the KitchenAid
- muffin tin + large liners
Muffin ingredients:
- 1½ C flour
- 1 tsp ground cinnamon
- ½ tsp ground nutmeg
- ½ tsp ground ginger
- ½ tsp fine sea salt
- ½ tsp baking soda
- ¼ tsp ground cloves
- ¼ tsp pumpkin pie spice
- ¼ tsp all spice
- 2 eggs
- 1 C packed brown sugar
- pods from half of a vanilla bean, split and scraped
- 2 TBSP vegetable oil
- 2 C of pure pumpkin
- a sprinkle of turbinado sugar
Frosting ingredients:
- 1 block of cream cheese, softened
- 4 TBSP butter, softened
- 1 TBSP milk
- 1 TBSP lemon juice
- 1 tsp vanilla
- 4 C icing sugar
Instructions:
1. Pre-heat oven to 350°F / 176°C and put muffin liners into pan.
2. Combine in a bowl: flour and spices.
3. In mixer; cream the eggs and sugar until smooth.
4. Mix in canned pumpkin, vegetable oil, and vanilla bean pods. (Reserve the shell for something else).
5. Gradually add flour mixture to wet, and don’t overbeat.
6. Spoon into tray, and dust with turbinado sugar.
7. Bake 25 min. (Checked at 20 and but still too springy.)
8. Cool in pan 5 min before transferring to rack.
9. Make the icing by combining everything in one bowl. This is precise science, people.
10. Use a knife to score a circle around the muffin tops and press the knife down, then lift up, and pry out the top. You will have a little muffin cone lid. Slice off the bottom part until you have a thin top remaining. Now stuff that bad boy with cream cheese and replace the top.
Verdict: They were good, but the muffin texture really changed overnight, they seem overly moist today. I tried one without icing, and the pumpkin was a bit too strong. Then again cream cheese icing is also a very strong flavour, so… hard to say. I sent my friend home with one but forgot to ice it. Oops. Overall I was pleased with how it turned out, and I think for round 2 I’ll add a few more spices, and cut back on the pumpkin and see how that goes.
Playlist: Nine Inch Nails – Terrible Lie
Blueberry muffins
I love blueberry muffins. My mom makes amazing blueberry muffins, and hers are the standard to which every other muffin falls short. She uses the recipe of her good friend.
I grew up within a short drive of the Wild Blueberry Capital of Canada, and blueberries are the official fruit of my home province. Represent, bitches.
There is a large blueberry field behind my dad’s cottage, so I have eaten a lot of blueberries in my life. In fact blueberries are such a big deal where I grew up, we have town festivals to celebrate them. Imagine. Everybody turns out just to pimp one particular fruit. When I was little, we’d dress in blue shirts and stand on marked spots to form a big human blueberry and they’d take aerial photos.
Time required: 1 hr
Yields: 14
Total cost if you have none of the ingredients: $28
Cost per muffin: $2
Kitchen implements I used:
- muffin tin + large muffin liners
Ingredients:
- 2 C flour
- ½ C granulated white sugar
- ½ tsp salt
- 3½ tsp baking powder
- 1 C milk
- ⅓ C vegetable oil
- 1 egg
- 1 C blueberries
Instructions:
1. Pre-heat open to 400°F / 204°C and put muffin liners in tray.
2. Combine the dry ingredients in a large bowl.
3. Measure out the milk and oil into a liquid measuring cup.
4. Beat egg until it’s foamy, then add to liquid.
5. Add wet to dry, stirring until just combined. The batter will have a slight pull to it.
6. Fold in the blueberries. Hopefully you have Canadian berries, but if not I guess you’ll have to make do with your inferior fruit. Frozen berries bleed colour but who cares because the bluer the merrier.
7. Spoon batter into prepared tray.
Leave some room for expansion.
8. Bake 18-20 minutes and move to wire rack.
9. After cooling, store in a sealed container. Take one with your tea and call me in the morning.
Verdict: Delicious! The texture improved over night.
I did try one last night after they were freshly made, and found it a bit disappointing. The bottom of the muffin stuck to the liner. I called Mom, who suggested bake them for 15 minutes, leave them in tray for 2 minutes, then transfer to wire rack.
But when I had one this morning, it was bang on and the liner peeled off without sticking. So I think I’ll reduce baking time by 2 minutes next time and see how it goes.
Playlist: Final Fantasy VI – Another World of Beasts
“Give it to us raw, Precious!”
My latest attempt at banana bread resulted in something that fooled the senses at first. It smelled done, it felt done, and the toothpick test (in 5 places) indicated it was cooked through, so I served it.
The first slice was fine. The second slice was fine. Sometime later, I noticed it was a bit… juicy. I dissected the loaf and the centre was jiggly. It was so raw, I became rather disgusted and put the camera down. It couldn’t, shouldn’t, be photo-documented any further. I confided to my bestie about what happened.
“That’s amazing. You and loaves of anything don’t mix.”
It’s true! My ginger loaf and banana breads always come out of the oven screwed up. Maybe I need more practice. In the Year of Pie and the Trials and Tribulations of Fudge, it didn’t take too long to get it right. I just made it all the time for awhile (my guts are recoiling in memory) until I got it right.
So; practice. The worst part of making banana bread is letting the bananas ripen. There is a fine line between over-ripe fruit and putrefied fruit, turn your back for a few hours and suddenly instead of squashing mushy bananas, you are splitting the skin with a knife and watching the clear fluid burst out like a floater fished from the river. Zombie fruit on the counter isn’t my idea of a good time. Experiments in cellular degeneration gone awry.
Oh well. Time to get back to The Rotting Bread.
Patty’s lemon yo-fu
If you are tired of your spousal unit eating all your desserts, make something they won’t touch. Fruit! Citrus! Yogurt! TOFU!
It’s kind of weird but good. This was inspired by my Healthy Desserts cookbook. I added banana and yogurt because it was tasting rather blah without it.
Time required: 30 min
Yields: 4
Total cost if you have none of the ingredients: $26
Cost per portion: $6.50 (almost as ridiculous as going to Booster Juice actually)
Kitchen implements I used:
- bad ass blender
- zester
- juicer
Ingredients:
- 1 package of extra-firm silken tofu, drained
- 1 lemon, use zest and juice
- 1 banana
- box of raspberries
- ¼ C honey
- 4 heaping spoonfuls of vanilla yogurt
Instructions:
1. Blend the shit out of the tofu. Which is harder than it sounds.
2. Zest and juice the lemon.
3. Throw everything in the blender except the raspberries and puree or whatever until it’s smooth.
4. Chill for a bit, add berries, voila!
Verdict: I liked this but I’d like it better if it came out yogurt smooth, it was a bit gritty going down. It tasted good. I doubt Boyfriend will eat it. His eyebrows almost shot off his face when he saw me pickup tofu at the grocery store (which by the way was in the deli aisle).
Playlist: construction
Patty’s apple strudel explosion
If a pastry explodes in the oven, does it make a sound? More importantly, does it still taste good?
I researched how to make traditional strudel pastry but it sounds like a nightmare so, not today. I trawled the entire grocery store looking for phyllo pastry and discovered it’s kept near the frozen berries. This is my first strudel and I’m pleased with the results, however next time I’ll add raisins and reduce the lemon juice.
Shout-out to Boyfriend for being my camera man.
Time required: 1.5 hours
Yields: 6 pieces
Total cost if you have none of the ingredients: $24
Cost per piece: $4
Kitchen implements I used:
- large baking sheet
- parchment paper
Ingredients:
- 3 apples
- 3 TBSP golden brown sugar
- 2 TBSP water
- ½ tsp ground cinnamon
- ⅛ tsp ground nutmeg
- 2 TBSP powdered corn starch
- ¼ C lemon juice
- 4 sheets of phyllo pastry
- 2 TBSP melted butter
- 3 tsp finely ground bread crumbs
Instructions:
1. Pre-heat oven to 350°F / 176°C. Line baking sheet with parchment paper and dust with flour.
2. Peel, core, and mince the apples. Toss them in a sauce pan with the water, brown sugar, cinnamon, and nutmeg. Bring to a simmer and cook on Med-Low for 10 min, stirring often.
3. Combine corn starch and lemon juice, whisk until smooth, then add to cooked apple mixture and simmer for 1 more minute before removing from heat.
We do not want juicy strudel.
4. Place one piece of phyllo on the baking tray. Brush with butter, and sprinkle one teaspoon of breadcrumbs. Don’t stress about making this even, doesn’t really matter.
Do this two more times, then add fourth and final layer (do not add butter or crumbs to top layer).
5. Spoon the filling down one side vertically, leaving room at the edges.
Give camera man 2 thumbs up.
6. Use the parchment paper to support the pastry as you lift it, you’re trying to tuck it over and under the apple filling, and then carefully roll it over like so. Once you’ve got the first turn, peel the parchment paper back towards you.
Keep turning it, and between turns try to smooth it with your hands to an even shape.
This was a little nerve-wracking, worried about tearing it.
Roll it up 3-4 times until it’s at the edge.
7. Brush butter inside the open edge then flip it so the seam is on the bottom. Tuck the ends in.
8. Dust with a cinnamon sugar mix.
9. Bake 20-25 min until golden brown.
10. Cool on rack at least 5 min before serving. Mein gott! What is this?
Verdict:
You want to get judged harshly? Tell people in advance you are using phyllo instead of making the pastry yourself.
Response from best friend: “0_0 That is really shocking.”
This was fairly simple to make. Aside from the explosion, it turned out great. I may have had a tantrum when I saw that, but I cut it in thirds first, and got 4 nicely sliced pieces, and 2 messy pieces. Cutting through the strudel after it’s baked it harder than I anticipated.
Playlist: Eric Carmen – Hungry Eyes
Chocolate fudge fail
Blast. I was really looking forward to this. How disappointing.
This recipe comes from Old Tyme Fudge. I love that website. I’m pretty sure it’s a great recipe and I screwed up. Phooey.
I wrote up this post last night after I put the fudge sludge in the pan. So, just pretend it set and follow along.
Before you get started: Have you read my fudge guide? I have done this successfully before, I swear.
Time required: 8.5 hours (about 1 hour of actual doing stuff)
Yields: about 30 pieces
Total cost if you have none of the ingredients: $34.
Cost per piece: $1.14
Kitchen implements I used:
- KitchenAid mixer
- 8″ square pan
- tin foil
- heavy-bottomed sauce pan (2.2 qt size is not big enough)
- silicon spatula
- lots of extra spoons
Ingredients:
- 4 oz unsweetened chocolate (I used Callebaut Belgian chocolate)
- 3 C sugar
- 2 TBSP corn syrup
- 1¼ C milk
- 4 TBSP butter
- 1 tsp vanilla
Instructions:
1. Line the square pan with foil and grease it. Also grease the entire inside of the sauce pan, all the way up the sides. Grease the flat beater of the mixer too.
2. Chop the chocolate and melt on Low heat until smooth.
3. Combine everything in the sauce pan except the butter and the vanilla. Heat on Medium, stirring constantly.
And definitely using a bigger pot next time.
4. Once mixture boils, reduce heat to Med-Low and STOP STIRRING. Insert candy thermometer.
Yikes. This is almost disaster territory. Perhaps this was a portent of things to come.
5. Once mixture reaches 238°F / 114°C, remove from heat.
6. Carefully place pot into cold water bath. Add butter but DO NOT STIR.
7. Let it cool (it only took 30 min this time) until temp falls to 120°F / 49°C.
Once the mixture has cooled to this stage, there will be a skim on top, just ignore it. Transfer to mixing bowl and pour in the vanilla.
8. Beat it. How long? Who knows.
I planned to do 28 minutes on speed 2 which worked great for my penuche batch, but after 13 minutes it has acquired “that frosting look” which I’ve read about before.
9. Pour into prepared pan and smooth, let sit at least 4 hours.
10. Lift out of pan and score the top with a knife, then slice into squares.
What’s this what’s this?!
Argh!!
God, no! That is never a good sign. Fudge shouldn’t rise with the knife.
Verdict: It tastes delicious but is a failure. Supposedly fudge is ready to be poured once it looks like frosting. Whoever said that can go directly to hell and not pass go. I will freeze this until I figure out what to do with it. I’ll try this again soon, stay tuned.
Playlist: 46 albums of Sailor Moon music!
Chocolate avocado pudding
I know. It sounds weird. But it’s strangely delicious.
I found this recipe in a book called Healthy Desserts, there is no author listed but the byline says Culinary Notebooks. I got it at Chapters.
Time required: 1.5 hours
Yields: 3-4 puddings
Total cost if you have none of the ingredients: $24
Cost per pudding: $6
Kitchen implements I used:
- food processor
- ramequins
Ingredients:
- 3 avocados, peeled and pitted
- ½ C cocoa
- ⅔ C honey
- 1 tsp vanilla
- dash of coarse sea salt
Instructions:
1. Peel and pit the avocados, and use a butter knife to gently separate the peel from the fruit. I fumbled one and dropped half an avocado on the floor so I didn’t have enough. Curse and scream as desired.
2. Puree until smooth, and add everything except the salt. Mix well.
During the taste test it was way too bitter so I doubled the amount of honey from ⅓C to ⅔C which improved things dramatically, however I find it now tastes a bit too honeyed. Foiled again.
3. Spoon into ramequins and sprinkle with sea salt.
5. Cover in plastic wrap and chill for an hour.
Verdict:
“Here, try it.”
“No thank you.”
“You… don’t want it? Why not??”
“You said it was bitter!”
“That was before I added more honey! Try it. Before my feelings are hurt.”
“Okay… it tastes… like chocolate pudding.”
“But do you like it?”
“It tastes like chocolate pudding.”
“So that’s a yes?”
Playlist: Bat for Lashes – Siren Song
All about fudge
Prepare to get schooled. I’ve added four how-to guides, all devoted to fudge. If you have never made fudge, or your fudge never turns out, this is for you. It’s written for the total newbie, and explains the science of good fudge making, how to actually beat it successfully, and the common problems that ruin fudge.
Fudge 101 – introduction to fudge
Fudge 202 – it’s all over but the crying
What are you waiting for? Get fudging.
SpatulaGoddess.com 